"Who am I becoming?": Jess Silverstein on Being Extraordinary

In March of 2021, Jess Silverstein, a member in the Being Extraordinary community and all-around shining beacon of a human being, sat down with me over Zoom to discuss how this program for healers has impacted her life. The conversation is lightly edited for length and clarity.AF: I feel like we've talked a good bit about Being Extraordinary, and obviously you dig it, which is great. I'm really interested in learning more ways of letting people know what it's like on the inside. On the one hand I described it as a year-long program where I help healers to take incredible care of themselves to the habits of yoga and Ayurveda so that they can do their work. Which is true, but I don't think that that really says it all.JS: I agree.AF: So I wonder if you could talk a little bit about any of what I just said - how does that resonate with experience in the group?JS: I identify with that. I identify as someone who is trying to care for others and hold space for others, and I think that other members also would probably identify that way. So I think the population would identify that way. However, I feel like in starting the program, it was just this thing that popped up and it was like by doing this program and engaging in this program like you can feel better. And I was like, “Okay but really? I’m down, but is this really going to be impactful in the way that I want it to be?” And I'm only in my second quarter and I can say YES. [laughs]  And it's and it's shocking in a sense - not that I had doubt in Adair or the healing wisdom of yoga and Ayurveda, but just in the sense of self-doubt. That thinking of “Maybe expectations are just too high - maybe I just can’t feel good for long periods of time consistently.” And it makes sense because there are these ways we - I - have been living just because that's what I've been taught and that's what my parents have been taught and everyone around me. It turns out that there’s this other way that so many people just don’t know about. And being in a space where other people are interested in learning this other way, and trying it out, encouraging each other...and then also having a facilitator who has so much wisdom. I often show up to calls and ask if we can take a moment to to ground or to get more energized and it's like you really have the tools to adapt to what I need or what we need and then move from there, so we we can do learning in the space where we're in our body and our spirit, so that we can absorb information and then encourage each.AF: That’s such a nice way to put it. It's just so nice to hear! And I’m glad that's been your experience.JS: Me too! And I'm glad I get to share that with you because, I mean as someone who holds space for others, it means a lot to hear someone say to me, “Oh, that yoga class was great.” It’s the little things - yeah, I want you to know how awesome it is.AF: So cool. Thank you! How would you say you've changed since you started being in Being Extraordinary?JS: I love that question. [pauses] That’s tough. I still have the same essence and I’m still me, but I definitely I definitely feel more connected to myself in the sense of...for example, last week I was cruising with one of habits, and then all the sudden it was just kind of like something dropped off and I was like, “Ooh, I should research this and put in the forum and text Adair,” and then I sat on it for a moment and then I realized I had the wisdom - I already knew what I needed to do. And I encouraged myself to do an experiment. So it's become more intuitive in ways of noticing, being aware of what I create or what I want, what I need...and then also knowing...I don't know,  I think the community is a really big part of it especially during this time of severe isolation being able to know that once a week I get to be with people who are interested in the same thing I'm interested in and interested in their own and my well-being, I think just fosters a feeling of groundedness and general to be able to let go and experiment - or just be able to like exist during this time.AF: Yeah that makes total sense. And what I've been learning more and more is that for many people, having an experience where they can land and be cared for and care at the same time - it is a very circular energy - that's not terribly common in most spaces. That's not the norm at work, that’s not the norm in school spaces. It’s not even necessarily the norm where people worship. It's cool that there's a space like this and it's so important. My hope is that spaces like this one become more normal. We learn that this is a thing that people are capable of, and that everybody who has an experience like in BE can go out and be that much more comfortable facilitating a space where people feel comfortable. Not that we can make people feel comfortable all the time or like ensure full safety or anything, but we can try. [laughs] We can make efforts.JS: Yeah it's almost like that's the 11th habit of something to learn - like, “Oh yeah I like this feeling. I can have community. So where else can I bring community into my life and other people's lives?” AF: Yeah. It’s a really good question. Honestly, the biggest backbone for me in terms of the space that I create - besides intuition, and you know the training I've had in the yoga world - is really trauma-informed care. Recognizing that people have histories and trying to make that as okay as possible, and make it a place where we're expected to like have bullshit. We’re expected to not feel great all the time, though we're invited to feel incredible. There are these principles of trauma-informed care that in grad school I had to learn over and over again, and I'm so glad I did because now I'm focused on things like collaboration; empowerment, voice, and choice; safety - physical, mental, emotional; acknowledgement of gender and historical and racial issues  and trauma. All of those things, if you get pretty good at learning how to weave awareness of those in - that’s part of how we create community. JS: Yeah, totally. Cause once you know, once you feel safe, you can get to the next level in the hierarchy of pleasure, put your guard down.AF: Right! You know, you've been so incredibly open and I think you're like that naturally - this is a gift that you bring to the world - and it's really nice to be in a space with people like you and many of the members who are super open. Plus the layers of what I just said about trauma-informed care - the quality of care that people bring to the group, plus the trauma-informed perspective, plus the magic of a dynamic group - it really creates a place where people who may not be accustomed to sharing or being heard, even, can wiggle into it and try it out. My hope is that when people try that, they find it empowering. I've seen that over and over again it's fun.JS: That's really cool, and I appreciate you sharing that, too. It’s something that I have been trying to work on. I'm definitely a talker. I know it’s not a norm when someone's like, “How are you?” and you’re like “I’m really anxious!” You know? But I’m honest - I just don't want to lie to myself! I've been trying to play with the idea that I don't need to share everything - I don't need to unload yourself to people.AF: Isn't it cool to have a space where even as you’re learning these skills - these habits, a different way of living - isn’t it cool that you have a place where you can show up again and again and try being different? JS: Mhmm. AF: Not less yourself, but just different. Listen differently. Share less, or share differently.  JS: Totally. Sometimes I'll show up to a call and I'll be like, “Okay, I'm not going to be the one that jumps to respond. I’ll hold space for other people.” And then sometimes I'm like “No I [just want to share].” [laughs] I get to pick and choose. AF: And it works! It just works, cause we want to hear what you have to say. JS: Right. Another thing in terms of feedback: My accountability partner and I were talking, and we love the guest speakers that have been coming. I guess I just assumed if you all went through the same training, your program would be the same, just with a different facilitator. Yours - BE is so focused through a lens of mindfulness and yoga, because that’s your training. I like hearing from Nancy - hers is more about food and then Natalie is more about adventure.We get to explore your networks to like I've already reached out to both of those people. I only get more wisdom and they only get more connection.  AF: I'm so glad to hear it and I feel the same way. They just have so much to offer. I have a lot to offer too. Cross-pollination and dynamic groups all day.So my final question is: if somebody had a hunch that this program might really help them with all the things you just talked about but they were on the fence about joining, what do you think they might benefit from hearing? JS: For me, the financial piece was definitely big. As someone who's young and just started making money for the first time it was a question of: “Where do I want to invest in myself?” There was a larger question of “What am I investing in, in the grand scheme?” It's almost a question of, ”Who am I?” Taking a look, getting in touch with your inner self and asking: “Who do I want to become?” This has been an opportunity where I have become - and am becoming that person. So just asking, “Am I worth investing in?” And seeing if the answer is yes.Hi, reader. I hope you enjoyed this interview even half as much as I did. Curious to know more about Being Extraordinary, the dynamic community where healers go to learn simple, vital habits that connect them to their intuition and health?Learn more here