Self-Portrait with Flames and Bare Feet

Of late, I have been walking through flames. On many recent days, I've felt like I was actually on fire - the emotional tidal waves been that intense. I didn’t know that I could burn for this long.

My yoga practice has taught me things, thank Goddess. Kundalini yoga taught me not to bother much with the stories behind emotional releases. There's no need to ask "why." Let what's ready to go, go. Create enough of a story framework to keep yourself sane, or just free fall into what's next - either works. Lately, there's been a lot of free falling. Terrifying and exhilarating. Heat like this doesn't last forever. It's just clearing the brush for the redwood to germinate.

Yoga also teaches about heat. The spiritual fire of tapas - the heat that comes from applying ourselves. The heat that comes with cleansing, when we release the old. Do you feel like you're on fire? You might be experiencing tapas. 

As we stay with ourselves in this heat, allowing it to incinerate our demons, old identities, ways of thinking and relating to ourselves and others, we take part in a massive experience of digestion. Here, flame comes in again. This time, as agni - the Sanskrit term for digestive fire. I recognize that when I feel like I'm walking over coals, my agni is roaring. It's doing its good work. This is not suffering for the sake of suffering. In fact, in my clearer moments, I've found I can be on fire and experience peace. Because how can we evolve if we do not learn to shed what's no longer needed - what's holding us back? Let what's ready to come, come.

PS: While I was creating this, I was trying to learn how to paint flames. First with watercolors, then with acrylics. I was horrified at how amateurish my results looked. I wanted to start over. And then I realized that this is the perfect example of actual art therapy. Not everything needs to be perfectly rendered and tied into meet bows. Cheers to multilevel learning.